I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
