Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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