5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
