I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
