I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
