Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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