in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just threw up on my dentist
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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