It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
