Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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