you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
