don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
