Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
