Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm always down for nudity.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize