You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I could fuck to npr.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
