I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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