I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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