last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
