I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
