you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
