Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
