Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
