Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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