I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
