i jhust puked up my retainher.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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