tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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