ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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