Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You smell like stripper and shame
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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