things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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