Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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