I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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