I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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