If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
