Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
