This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
