Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
