i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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