i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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