Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
