they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize