is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
