In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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