I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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