Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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