I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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