you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
