dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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