Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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