i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
