he wants to bone in the snuggie
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
