haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
