I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
