Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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