God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
