clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
