We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
