I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
