Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
