Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
