Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
