Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
