Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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