I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
