We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
