Duck Duck Cougar?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
