I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
