I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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