Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
