Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
