i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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