my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize