no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
