Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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