Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
