Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
